Chapter 14 - On The Rights of the Parents and Treating them Kindly

“O' Jabir! God will not eliminate your flaws and shortcomings.”

“Who has the most rights over a man?” The Prophet replied: “His parents.”

Imam Baqir (a.s) said: “If a man treats his parents kindly when they are alive, but does not ask God to forgive them when they die, he will be disowned by his parents. If a man is disowned by his parents while they are living, but often asks God for their forgiveness after they die, he will be considered as a good-doer.”

“What is the right of a father over his children?” He replied: “That he does not call him by his name, that he does not walk ahead of him, and he does not sit down before his father, and does not do something that might result in his father being sworn at.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “You should not let anything prevent you from treating your parents kindly whether they are dead or alive. For them you can pray, give charity, go on the holy pilgrimage, or fast so that they get the reward. You will also be rewarded, and God will grant you an abundant increase in good through His Kindness and His Rewards.”

a man went to see the Prophet (a.s) and said: “O' Prophet of God! Give me some advice.” The Prophet (a.s) said: “Do not designate anything as a partner to God even if you are tortured or burned. Always strengthen your heart with faith. Obey your parents, and treat them with kindness whether they are alive or dead. Even if they order you to abandon your family and wealth do it since this act is done out of faith.”

“Pray for them, give charity for them, and treat them kindly if they are alive and do not recognize God's religion, since the Prophet of God (a.s) said: God appointed me for mercy not disobedience.”

a man went to see God's Prophet (a.s) and asked him how to be kind with his parents. The Prophet (a.s) said: “Treat your mother kindly, treat your mother kindly, treat your mother kindly, t reat your father kindly, treat your father kindly, treat your father kindly.” He mentioned mother before father.

Who next?” The Prophet (a.s) said: “Your mother.” He asked: “Who next?” He replied: “Your mother.” He asked: “Who next?” He said: “You father, and then whoever is closer to you.”

“I was a Christian, and became a Muslim. I went on the holy pilgrimage and then went to see Imam Sadiq (a.s) and said: “I was a Christian, and became a Muslim.” Imam Sadiq said: “What did you see in Islam?” I said: “The Almighty God's statement: “Thou knoweth not (before) what was Revelation, and what was Faith; but We have made (the Quran) a Light, wherewith We guide such of our servants as We will” [The Holy Quran: Shura 42:52] The Imam (a.s) said: “In fact God has guided you.” Then he said three times: “O' God! Please guide him.” And added: “O' my son! Ask me for whatever you wish.” I said: “All my family members are Christian. My mother is blind, and I have to be with them since my father has no one else to rely on. My parents like me to eat and drink with them from the same set of dishes.” Imam Sadiq asked: “Do your parents eat pork.” I said: “No. They do not even touch it.” Imam Sadiq said: “Fine. Take care of your mother. Treat her well and do not leave her alone when she dies. Take care of her burial yourself. Do not inform anyone that you have come to see me. God willing you will come to see me in Mina.” Zakariya said: “I went to see him in Mina. A lot of people had surrounded him. He was like a school teacher who was constantly asked questions by the people. Then when I went to Kufa I treated my mother with kindness. I fed her myself. I cleaned her clothes and her head myself. I served her myself. Then my mother told me: “O' my son! You never treated me this way when you had our own religion. What is this kind of behavior I observe since you have quit our religion and have accepted Islam?” Then I told her: “I was instructed to do so by a man who is a grandson of our Prophet.” My mother asked: “Is that man a Prophet?” I said: “No. But he is the grandson of the Prophet.” My mother said: “O' my son! This man is a Prophet since what he has instructed you to do is one of the decrees of the Prophets.” I said: “Dear mom. There will come no Prophet after our Prophet. He is a descendent of the Prophet.” My mother said: “Your religion is the best religion. Please present it to me.” Then I presented it to her and she accepted Islam. I taught her how to pray. She performed her noon, afternoon, evening and night prayers. At night her disease overtook her. She asked me to teach her again what I had taught her about Islam. And I did so. My mother witnessed to Islam and passed away. In the morning the Muslims performed her ablution and covered her in cloth. I prayed over her body and buried her.”

Am'mar ibn Hay'yan told Imam Sadiq (a.s) that his son Ismail treats him kindly. Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “I liked him too. Now I like him more. The Prophet's foster sister went to see him, and once she saw him she got happy and spread her veil for him to sit on. Then they talked and smiled for a while. She left and her brother came, but the Prophet did not treat him as warmly as he treated his sister. The Prophet of God was asked for the reason he treated his sister better than his brother. He said it is because she treats he parents kindly.”

a man went to see God's Prophet (a.s) and said: “My parents lived for many years and got old. My father passed away, but my mother is alive. She got so old that I have to chew food for her, just as they do for a baby. I put a pillow for her just as they do for a baby. I put her in cradle and rock her to sleep. She got so old that sometimes she asks me for something but I do not understand what she wants. Or I ask her for something, but she does not understand what I want. When I saw this, I asked God to give me breasts with milk to be able to breast-feed her. Then I developed breasts and I pushed them and milk started to flow. Therefore now I breast- feed her just as she breast-fed me.” At this point God's Prophet (a.s) cried and said: “You have attained goodness. You asked God for something with the intention to get close to Him.” The man asked: “Have I been able to compensate for her efforts for me?' The Prophet (a.s) said: “No. Not even one of her cries of pain during labor.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “Treat your fathers kindly so that your children treat you kindly. Do not look at other women, so that other people not look at your woman.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “There are three things you must do no matter what: 1- Return what you are entrusted with whether it belongs to a good-doer or a wicked man, 2- fulfill your promise whether to a good-doer or a wicked man, and 3- treat your parents kindly whether they are good-doers or wicked ones.”

Imam Baqir (a.s) quoted on the authority of God's Prophet (a.s): “Do not disturb your parents. The scent of Heaven can be smelled from a thousand years away, but those who are disowned by their parents, or cut off from their relatives, and old men who commit fornication, or those who are so haughty that their garments drag on the ground will not feel it. In fact Grandeur belongs to the Lord of the two Worlds.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “Do not say even a word of contempt to your parents, as God has forbidden it.”

“May God have Mercy upon whoever aids his parents doing good deeds. May God have Mercy upon whoever aids his children in doing good deeds. May God have mercy on whoever aids his neighbors in doing good deeds. May God have mercy on whoever aids his friends in doing good deeds. May God have Mercy on whoever aids his companions in doing good deeds. May God have Mercy on whoever aids his king in doing good deeds.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “Whoever wishes that God make his death an easy one should increase visiting his relatives, and be kind with his parents. Then God will make his death an easy one, and he will never get poor during his life.”

“O' Lord! Please advise me. God the Almighty replied: “I advise you to attend to Me.” He asked for advice again. The same advice was repeated for three times. He asked for advice again. Then God the Almighty said: “I advise you to attend to your mother.” This advice was repeated twice. He asked for advice again. Then God the Almighty said: “I advise you to attend to your father.” That is why the good deeds for the mother are two thirds, and those for the father are one third.”

God's Prophet (a.s) said: “God's pleasure is tied to parent's pleasure and God's anger is tied to parents anger.”

God's Prophet (a.s) said: “The reward of each kind look of a good child to his parents is one accepted holy pilgrimage.” He was asked: “O' Prophet of God! Does this hold true even if he does it a hundred times each day.” The Prophet (a.s) said: “Yes. God is the greatest, and the purest.”

God's Prophet (a.s) said: “God will increase the life of whoever is kind with his parents.”

God's Prophet (a.s) said: “The prayers of three people are accepted: the oppressed, the travelers and the fathers.”

God's Prophet (a.s) said: “The prayers of a father for his children are like the prayers of a Prophet for his nation.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) was asked regarding God's statement: “Treat with kindness your parents” [The Holy Quran: Baqara 2:83], what is meant by “treat with kindness?” He said: “This means that you associate with them with kindness, and do not put them in a position to ask you for something which they need, even if they are rich. Did God not say: “By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love.” [The Holy Quran: Al-i-Imran 3:92] He then added: “Consider the Almighty God's statement: “Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them” [The Holy Quran: Bani Isra-il 17:23] This means that you should not insult them if they hurt you, and you should not treat them badly even if they hit you. God the Almighty said: “But address them in terms of honor.” [The Holy Quran: Bani Isra-il 17:23] This means that you should say: “May God forgive you” if they hit you. This is how you can address them in terms of honor. God also said: “And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility” [The Holy Quran: Bani Isra-il 17:24] This means that you should not stare at them, but look at them with kindness and sympathy, and do not raise your voice over theirs, and do not raise your hands above theirs, and do not walk ahead of them.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “Among the rights of the parents over their children we can say that they should pay off their debts, and honor their vows, and do not do anything that might result in them being sworn at. If so they are good-doers even if the parents disowned them during their life. However, if the children do not do the above things, they will be disowned by their parents even if they were good children during the lifetime of the parents.”

The Prophet (a.s) said: “I advise my present and future nation up until the Resurrection Day to treat their parents with kindness even if they have to walk for two years to reach them, since this is a part of our religion.”

“So that you kill your father?” The Arab man withdrew his hand. God's Prophet (a.s) turned to the people to talk, but the Arab man returned and said the same thing again. The Prophet (a.s) said: “So that you kill your father?” This time the man said “Yes” and the Prophet shook his hand in a pledge of allegiance to Islam, and said: “Now is the time for: “Take none for friends and protectors except God, His Apostle, and the (community of) Believers.” [The Holy Quran: Tauba 9:16] But I will not order you to disobey your parents. But treat them with kindness in this world.”

“Say there is no god but Allah.” The young man moved his tongue several times. The Prophet looked at a woman who was there and asked: “Where is this young man's mother?” She replied: “I am his mother.” The Prophet (a.s) said: “Are you angry with him?” She said: “Yes. I have not talked to him for six years.” The Prophet (a.s) said: “Forgive him.” She said: “May God be pleased with him due to your satisfaction, O' Prophet of God!” Then the Prophet told the young man: “Say there is no god but Allah.” The young man uttered these words. Then the Prophet asked: “What do you see?” He said: “I see an ugly, stinky black man who has surrounded me and is choking me now.” The Prophet (a.s) said: “Now say: “O' the One who accepts little deeds and forgives many sins! Please accept my little deeds and forgive my many sins. You are indeed the Forgiving and the Merciful.” The young man uttered these words. The Prophet then asked him what he sees. He said: “I see a well-dressed, beautiful, good-scented white man hugging me and the black man is walking away.” The Prophet asked him to repeat his prayer again, and he did. Then he said: “I no longer see the black man. I only see the white man who is hugging me.” Then he died.

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “One form of hurting your parents is giving them a mean look.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “The prayers of whoever looks at his parents with animosity will not be accepted, even if they have oppressed him.”

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “When the Resurrection Day arrives, they will draw aside one of the curtains of Heaven, and its scent will be smelt by any creature as far away as five hundred years, except for one group.” He was asked: “Who are they?” He said: “They are the ones disowned by their parents.”